Weather is getting nice...

So I don't know about all of you but when the weather is nice and I see all of those people hanging outside, drinking, playing games, hanging out with their friends and having a good time I feel resentful, envious, sad, angry, and a million other feelings. I can't do those things anymore, I could but where would it get me?! Finding new friends, new places, new things, is very difficult...especially when you haven't been out in society for over a year. It's like being reborn and trying to learn life all over again, learning who you are, learning what you like, what you don't like. It's a strange concept, one that I'm doing well with but I struggle still at times with it. I have to continue to go to meetings, keep my focus on what is important and move forward. I'm lucky that I now have "tools" in my "toolbox" that will help me think through my thoughts..."where will a drink get me?" "what if I start to drink heavily again?" answering those questions helps me remember that there is a chance that I could go right back to where I was and that is the last place I want to be.

Hiking, running, biking, working out, getting coffee with friends and sitting outside are now things that I think about doing and none of them can be successful if I'm hammered. My thoughts, my life, my goals are so clear to me now that I can't lose that, I can't go back to where I was. Remembering (or not really remembering, cause you're blacked out) what life was while you're drinking helps to keep you in check. It certainly has helped me!!

Being sober helps me see the beauty in the sky, the flowers, the sun, the rain, the clouds, and appreciate and be grateful for all of those things...today I am just happy that I woke up and that i am alive!! Bring on Summer!!!!!!!