Everyday thoughts...

The one thing that they try to stress in AA is the idea, suggestion, of "letting go". How do you let go? This is a concept that I just could not, still struggle with every so often, grasp on to. As you sit alone in an apartment alone with just your thoughts, how do you just "let go"? Questions about why this is my life, and how am I ever going to move forward from this can easily fill any addicts mind. It gets easier, simplify it...let your mind just relax, when you're not at school, work, etc. and just relaxing on your couch, turn on Netflix, a sports game, and just allow yourself to be lazy. I've allowed myself to realize that the decisions I made cannot be reversed, but I have a chance to do things a little differently now. There are still moments when I feel like how can I move forward, I have legal issues, I have not the best job history, due to my addiction, but where there is hope, there is a way. Someone, somewhere, has been where I have been, will see my potential, and will give me a chance. That is what I try to hold onto. Will it happen tomorrow? No. Will it happen next week? Probably not. And in the mean time I have to hold on to the idea that it will happen, and I have to allow myself the time I need to know I am ready to take on the new sober world that is put in front of me. Keep in mind, this feeling did not come to me immediately after I stopped using, it took time, I complicated EVERYTHING, and it isn't until I took every situation, and every day and looked at it in the simplest way I possibly could that I started to realize that I can "let go". And so can you!